I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
