I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
