Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
