wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
