I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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