Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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