When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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