i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
