it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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