The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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