On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
