Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize