dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
