I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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