i think my mom watched the whole time
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
