your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
