I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
