We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
