Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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