Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
