I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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