what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
