I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
