This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We are two peas in an std pod
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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