someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
