By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
