So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
