It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
