i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
