im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
