No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize