So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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