K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
