I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
