I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
