Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
