I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
