last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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