Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize