Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
