We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
