do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
