i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
