I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I would fuck him just for his dog
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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