Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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