Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So apparently I’m into choking now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
