I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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