party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
