He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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