I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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