Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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