I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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