surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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