I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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