Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
