Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
