I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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