my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my phone needs a breathalizer
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
