Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
