i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
