Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
