He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
