It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
