as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
