We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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