I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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