why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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