i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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