I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
