Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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