I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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