if i can run in heels then i can drive
it wasn't lemon gatorade
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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