we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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